Teathered and Set Free

I went to Rooks Park this afternoon, to have some MUCH needed Alone Time with God. We walked clear around Mill Creek Trail (I call it the Big Circle), and even found a special "God and me" place where we enjoyed sitting and relaxing and learning. Always learning. Always watching.

It was while we were sitting there (I'd have a picture of it, but I kinda spent the battery in my camera before we got there), that He pointed something rather stark out to me. Across the fish-ladder from our vantage point, was a very similar one, that led down to the water. A woman, her probably 10 year old daughter, and their (beagle?) dog stopped there, and the woman stood up on the path above, while her daughter and their dog, on a leash, went down to the water where he could play and drink for a minute. Only a minute. He hardly had had a chance to get a single gulp, and it was time to go already! The mom was in a hurry. Yet she didn't speak harshly to her daughter - just positively and matter of factly. The girl passing on this message to the dog was a bit different. She tugged and pulled and did her best to get their dog up the bank! She didn't yell, though, and in fact, she didn't say a word. Eventually, the dog kind of cowerred and relented, but was very unhappy. The girl didn't seem to be disturbed by this - I suppose she's used to this kind of tug-of-war with her dog. They did get back up to the path, and everyone kept moving. Then God pointed out to me that Love would make a better teather than that leash. Had the girl and her dog had a severely close relationship, and had she been a perfect owner (she ought to be given credit for not yelling at the dog - a lot of kids her age would have, and no, no one is a perfect dog-owner), someone who the dog trusted implicitely and without question, she wouldn't have needed a leash - he would have obeyed her every command. Interesting word, that one is, "command." Love doesn't command, yet He commands the spirits of those who answer His Call.

God pointed out to me that the girl and her mother have a loving, kind, happy relationship and so her mother was able to simply say "ok, it's time to go now" and she readily just went. There was no fear in her eyes, as if knowing that if she refused that there was some punishment involved. Nor was there fear that she might be holding up her mom's busy schedule if she chose to stay on the bank with her dog. She just readily went back and did all she could to bring her dog with her.

1 John 4:18 & 2 Timothy 1:7

On the way home, as is His Custom, God chose a really cool lineup (and the DJ's think THEIR responsible for this ;p), which included "I Am Free." Love HAS set me free! I am FREE to do anything and everything, because it is ALL to God's Glory! This is something I've struggled wtih of late -- being afraid of doing the wrong thing, of being wrong, of letting God down. Yesterday, God let me know that it's OK to be wrong - He has my back covered and He Loves me too much to let me down. He'll be here for me, and IS here for me! So, I'm FREE to do whatever the Spirit drives me to do!

So, Love has Teathered me to The One who I can Trust, and it has set me Free to Live the way He Leads me to, unfettered by all the weird looks I get from people who just don't understand.

Submission from a Hebrew Perspective

I used to look at what Sha 'ul (Paul) wrote:

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1. Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
[Gr] gune hupotasso idios aner hos kurios
[Eng] (any woman of any kind) (be a subordinate) (ones self) (husband or future husband of any age) (even as) (one who owns you as a master or lord).
[Heb] ishshah (hey, that's me!), seautou 'iysh (no hebrew equivalent for "even as") ba`al.
[Eng] (woman/wife) (be humbled or afflicted) (thyself) (human male husband) (owner/husband/ruler/lord)

and

2. Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

(What, are you kidding? I'm NOT going through THAT all over again! Not for THIS!)
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... and think that he must really hate women, A LOT. I mean, this is pretty strong language, right? I mean, I, Ishshah, a WOMAN of GOD, am supposed to WHAT???!!!!! EXCUSE ME???!!! When I think of masters and lords, I think of Egyptian slave drivers and English knights who weren't always such kindly gentilemen. I think of poor Israilites needing freedom, and poor hoveling fools and their families barely eaking out an existance while in lifelong indebtedness to their English lords as well as their kings. I DON'T think of anything positive here, at all. Yet, when I was very young, I had an epiphony. I still subscribe to it today, some 25 years or more later...

The epiphony started out like this: "Well, just DON'T marry any man you could never submit to!" You know, that's darn good logical thinking for a little kid! I wasn't "mature" or "developed" enough yet in my heart and mind to take that anywhere. That's not true anymore.

It takes a lot of trust in someone to be willing to submit to them. A lot more than I normally have at all. I'm like a horse - I HAVE to run free. If you tame and coral me, I become so docile that I lose that wildness that captured your heart in the first place! I loose all sense of independance, and wind up feeding from a traugh! I was not meant for troughs. I was meant for the open fields, for play, and for Living it up :) So, no one can really "capture" me, and yet, I have been "captured" twice now. Once through a Holy Relationship forged by God in what is very much like marriage, only it's even bigger than that, and it's a Spiritual thing, a true Heart *Relationship. And a second time through this totally awsome friendship I have with Erik. Yes, I have awsome friendships with the rest of you as well! Please don't think I've forgotten you! I haven't. But seriousely, this discipleship thing... When you have THAT with someone, it's just on a different extreme, and you can't say that that kind of friendship is the same as all your other friendships - it's just not. I've been "captured" by a caring, respectful, loving, decent and very real friendship that is completely submitted to God in all areas at all times. Heh - there's that magic word again ;)

Submission. Captured. Captivated! LOL. Now, there's one for the records. I don't know about "Captivating" but I can say that I've been Captivated! By Love. I'm Captive to Him. Pure and simple.

How can I do that? How can I submit in a Spiritual Marriage to God, and a Spiritual Sibblingness to Erik? What, have I gone mad? No. I've finally come to realize a few things. First of all, both God and Erik have my best in mind. Always. There's never a time with God when He isn't making sure that I'm being well cared for! Honestly, though I've suffered MUCH in this life, so much that I've been told that many people would have killed themselves long ago had they walked in my shoes, I've also been GREATLY blessed! I've always been provided for, and even when my heart finally gave out, God swooped in and said "Excuse Me, hon, we have some work to do here! I DO LOVE YOU!"

And as for Erik... He submits himself to God because he is "chained" to God (his words, not mine, though I've had my own experience with that myself), and so he does God's bidding. That's his choice, but he follows God's ways, not the world's ways. I used to think that the world's ways would naturally be any human being's ways - that of course, a human being would only do evil, and that only evil would be that person's will and choice of their own selves. This is a dangerous and seriousely flawed line of reasoning. It should be avoided at all cost, yet it is very easy to fall into, particularly when this is what's taught in many of our Bible classes as a meathod of controlling young people into feeling bad about themselves so that they'll want salvation, to avoid hell (fire insurance). It devalues the very people that God created in His own image (inside and out) from conception on. It also strips people of their ability to choose. It teaches them that they can only choose evil, that they can never choose good (which means they have no choices to choose from). It demoralizes them. Anyway, Erik is human, true. All humans have the ability to choose wrong, true. But something happens - something changes - when a human being finally says "Ok, God, I trust you, and I want to do what you ask. I know you Love me and will always take good care of me, so I know that doing what you ask won't lead me into bad things." This doesn't mean that Erik (or anyone else) no longer has the right to choose to do evil - it just means that his heart is Captivated by God, and so he no longer -wants- to do anything unLoving, unGodly, etc. This means that I can trust myself to be in a Loving friendship with Erik, and know that he'll never WANT me to be hurt. It's possible, of course for him to hurt me, but he'll never even once want it to be that way.

On the human friendship level, it's kind of like the difference between accidentally brushing up against someone in a crowded hallway, and intentionally walking clear across town in order to beat someone up. On the Spiritual level, if I'm ever "hurt" by God, it's because He knows that the healing process will bear much fruit. LOL. Hey, Erik, I GET IT! That first verse we read at the start of the Bible study? About God pruning the vines? Heh. I get it. Go figure. It took me over a year :p

And so, I know that God and Erik can be trusted. I'm learning to trust God and people. Trust isn't cheap. It has to be earned. Perhaps it wasn't like that before sin, but that's how it is now. I refuse to trust anyone completely if they've not put in the time and work and attention and heart that it takes for me to know, when I'm good and ready to know, that they can be trusted. That's my price. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's the difference between choosing a "good owner" and a "bad owner." I only want to be "owned" by good owners!

Why is this such a big deal? Why did Paul make such a seemingly startling statement? What does this mean to me, Ishshah, Woman of God?

Someday, I'll meet the man I'm going to marry. I've always been afraid that somehow, I would mess up, marry the wrong man who seemed good at first but turned out to be evil later on. Well, God has cured me of that! Yet I'm still learning what it means to expect good things from that man, who I've dubbed "Joe X." I mean, there are a LOT of men out there who, long ago, gave up on caring one lick about the hearts of the women in their lives! What are the odds that I would actually wind up with a "good" man? Yes, I now believe that God will work that out, but I still, from time to time, have that nagging thought in the back of my head. I just chalk it up to how I'm going to just need more time to stop hearing that message. I need more time to learn what it means to expect good things from him!

What kind of man could I not only willingly, but GLADLY, "submit" myself to? I've thought about the whole "master and pet" thing. I mean, if you look at people who own pets, you can usually easily put them into one of two boxes: "good owner" and "bad owner." How do you know a good owner? A "good" owner is the opposite of a "bad" owner! (duh.) They LOVE their pets! They ADORE them! And they take EXELLENT care of them! They give them more than just food, water, shelter, vet care... They give them love, time, attention, hugs, kisses, etc. Hmm... Sounds like the kind of "master" (Mr.) I could submit myself to, any time :D

Note to my future human husband: I think I'm almost ready for you ;)

* Sorry, oh soooo sorry, to those who think that a heart relationship is never necessary - B freak'n S!!! It TOTALLY is, and if you don't have that on any level with God, ASK HIM FOR IT! You won't regret doing that at all. Trust me on that instead of always whining about it, ok? God'll give it to you, when He's good and ready. So stop worrying about it, ok? And stop judging me for having it, and thinking that I need "reminding" not to "brag" about what I have with Him! Pardon me, but when you DO have it, you'll brag too ;D And then you'll know how I feel when you think I need to be "humbled" into shutting up about what I have with Him - 'couse your friends will treat you like you've treated me. And you'll get wearied of it, and you'll tell them the exact same thing I'm telling you. In fact, you'll copy/paste this very paragraph, I'm sure, and just email it to the masses after you've put up with the whining for long enough.

God's Will

I've heard it all, and still never known for sure how to know God's will -- unless He directly told me or I asked Him for some sign. It's funny. "The Greeks search for knowledge, the Jews for a sign..." What about the Spirit? What about Wisdom from God in a person's heart, like it was with Solomon?

Tonight I asked God something rather simple. "God, please let me know right from wrong, help me choose what's right, and please bless my efforts, which are your will."

I guess we'll see what happens next :)

Love's Box of Chocolates

Ok, so I can't have real chocolate (even the dark kind, unless it's labeled vegan)... I digress. This is about Love, marriage, discipleship, friendship, loyalty... It's about how you really DON'T know what you're going to get when you open that box!

There is a kind of Love that is not celebrated too much in our society. We have weddings for lovers, birthdays for family and friends, and even "secretary's day" for office workers. We have web sites dedicated to pet-love, networking sites for that friend-of-a-cousin-of-a-cowerker's-dog's-trainers-sister's-best-friend... But what, may I ask, do we have for celebrating, that's CELEBRATING!!!, the kind of Love that Jesus prayed for in John 17? The kind that draws His followers together IN LOVE! I know, some goody-2-shoes out there might pipe up and say "church, of course!" Well, I think you all know what I think of church. In my book, organized religion isn't all it's cracked up to be. This is about LOVE, not doctrines, not behaviors, not programs and dress-codes... LOVE. L O V E. In it's most simple, pure, and Holy form! Not only the horizontal kind, but the verticle kind, and really, how both kinds bind together into One Godly Love, Echad A'havah. (There's a brain teaser in there, for all you theology buffs.)

I'd like to say here that I wish there WERE a day which, those of us who've experienced true discipleship Love in our relationships with other true disciples, could set aside for the purpose of just having fun and hanging out with each other, swapping discipleship stories, playing games, discussing good Godly books, and just doing whatever else the Spirit leads us to do. Alas, I realize that that's easier said than done. As it is, it's not easy to make and keep privately made plans to celebrate this kind of Love! It really IS sad when life gets so complicated that you just barely are able to make such plans just between two friends! I can't imagine that everyone who's had this kind of Love would be able to set aside the same day, every year, just to chill all day. It's hard enough for those of us who keep Sabbath to find work that doesn't force us to work on Saturday. Still, a Celebrating Discipleship Day IS a wish of mine.

So, what IS this descipleship Love? First off, I'll explain that in my view, it's NOT dry, empty, emotionless works! It's NOT merely going out and feeding the hungry, building homes for the homeless, singing to the sick people in hospitals, because, dontchaknow, that's what disciples do, right - their expected to, right? That's "bandaid" works. Anybody can do it, whether they really want to or not. And many people do such things out of "Christian duty" and not out of Love at all. These activities often keep people distracted from the more important matters of Spiritually bonding in their HEARTS (not just their heads) with each other (not just with total strangers who they feel no real connection with at all).

What it IS, first of all, is realizing that every act of Love (not work, act), is one driven by God's Heart beating within another human being. Secondly, it's looking deep into the ugly side of another human being, accepting that this is how/who they are apart from God, and both Loving and Forgiving them, no matter what, even if they severely hurt you in a way that you are SURE they should have known not to. It's NOT just laying down and being their door-mat! One thing I've learned is that when there is Oneness Love in God between two people, it's OK to show it if you've gotten hurt, to tell them what it was that hurt you, to allow them to cry as they realize what they did to you, to see them for the hurting individual that they are, and to allow them to apologise to you, accepting them as they are. Even when they can't do this with you right now for whatever reason. Discipleship Love is something that no person HAS to do. It's something people can choose to want and be willing to let God do in and through them before it will happen. Thirdly, it's looking even deeper still into another human being's heart, valuing it and building it up, in God's Holy Name, so that they may have the opportunity to see His Love for them as it's played out through your very own body, mind, and heart. You BECOME His instrument, for HIM to play as He will. He inspires you, shows you what to do, tells you, or whatever - He somehow gets you to become so much like Him that it's hard, blessedly hard, for others to tell the difference between you and Him.

No, I'm not perfect in this. God is, and He's working with me. And no, you never know what you're going to get when you bite into one of those scrumptious little candies! Sometimes it's one kind of Love that you alwasy knew you wanted, sometimes it's another kind that's completely new, unexpected, and incredibly satisfying! Either way, you always know it'll be Good because it's from God ;)

Mmmm....

HaKodesh Brit-Milah

Today is almost like a new birthday for me - yet it comes AFTER I was reborn! I was Baptized on March 25, 2006. Then, on June 18th, God took my heart off the market. It's no longer available to men. Period. They can't have it, because I gave it to Him - He has it. He's the one who can make me fall in Love with Him. Other men can't make me fall in love with them. It's humanly impossible for them to do that to me. They don't control my heart like that.

Today was something new, but a take-off of that. I remember reading in either Boy Meets Girl, or in When God Writes Your Love Story, a story about a woman who shared her whole life's experiences with a male friend in about 3 days (wow, she must have had a dull life!), and by the end of those 3 days, they were going out with each other, making out a lot, etc. He used her then left her. Her heart was broken because she felt that he'd used it to get into her undies. I also remember thinking, "That's kind of stupid, that she feels that way. Who cares what they guy KNEW about her? How can that equate to her giving him permission to mess around with her body? Sheese - can't friends share their lives together without sleeping together? I've shared what I can of my life with female friends - I don't sleep with THEM! If I want to share my life's experiences, dreams, etc., either with a guy who's just my friend, or with a guy I'm going with and am likely to marry, then who cares? It can't hurt anything. It's just a friendship either way - I've already taken my body off the market." After June 18, I thought "Well, it still doesn't matter - those ARE just life experiences. Surely I can still share what I go through in this life with my friends! What in tarnation is wrong with that?" Yet I did kinda start wondering "Is this really all that safe?" I more or less ignored that question until the last few days after a heart-wrenching experience that I went through. I realize now that God was TRYING to tell me something.

Today I learned the value of keeping my life, shared from my heart, to myself, and instead just sharing God's heart with others. That's no small task, as some of you recently learned as you watched one of my blog entries morph under Jesus' Direction from an angry tyrade against church denominations who've tried to screw wtih my mind and heart in the past, to a personal exposition of what I don't believe regardless of which church teaches what. I'm glad that, though I exposed my life from my heart to you, you didn't take jabs at it. Thank you. Anyway, God just took my life itself completly off the market. It's no longer "out there" for people to take pot-shots at. I used to think that if people were really your friends, they'd accept you the way you are. Up to a point, that's true. But a real friend in God is someone who will point your life, your heart, your dreams, etc., to God and prove to you that those things AREN'T for them (once you yourself have been through whatever Healing processes you may have needed to go through first).

I came into my room this afternoon and said "Ok, God, it's just you and me right now. Where do You want to start?" I had a desire to open my Bible and find something good to read from God about His Love for me. LOL - it came in the form of the Febuary 2006 Newsletter from Jewish Jewels (Messianic-Jewish TV Show) that was neatly folded in between Ezekial and Daneil! I guess I had left it there after reading through it last February. It was, of course, all about the heart. They do a much better job of explaining this from the Hebraic culture than anyone else, and I am inviting you to read at least the first page of it, the page that spoke so directly to my heart which has had so many questions of late.

My heart is urging me toward the answers that are for me and God alone, which some of you have already been Given. Yet I have wanted to share this Journey with you, my friends! I do believe that a "snapshot" here and there of what's going on with me and God isn't out of place, or periodically what's going on in my life in general (for instance, I'm sure I'll let you all know when my hubby has stepped into my life, *winks*). But I do believe that I need to be a lot more careful about what I say to you all about my life than I have been in the past. It's not about censorship, or even fear of how you would think of me! It's out of respect for the fact that I need to learn to turn those things more specifically over to God to deal with directly Himself. It's out of not subjecting my heart, my life, myself, to the whims of every internet travelor who passes by. Even you, my friends, are still human. It's still possible for one of you to really hurt me, if I subject myself like that to you.

Rather than sharing my life from my heart with you all so regularly, I'd rather share God's Heart for you with you. I'm intending to spend quite a lot of time in this blog catagory, as well as in Livagies! If I have some observation about the battle of the sexes, I'll still blog about that periodically as well. I don't know how much time I'll spend in all the other catagories, though I may still find God telling me to say things in them as well in the future. But really, I want to learn to do all of this from God's Heart, rather than my own. That indeed is quite a challenge for me, so I'll leave it up to Him to Inspire that. From now on, I want to ask Him "God, what are YOU saying here? What's on YOUR Heart of Hearts?"

So, my friends, my old heart bids you fare-thee-well. God's Heart bids you come-to-Me.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO