And another thing!... ;) Hehe!
Here's my (second) response to the Faith/Repentance article on Laura and Leslie's Blog. It's too long to fit into their comments section, and I think it's cool to put here anyway, so, heh, it goes here instead ;) I'm putting a link to it in a comment I'm going to add to that page on their blog.
Well, it's been awhile since I posted that, and I have to say that I've been even longer on the journey since then. I understand MUCH more fully now what it means to have that "faith" changed into, well, REALITY. It's one thing to believe there is a God who said this and did that and golly-gee, I'd better repent... (I'm not belittling repentance here, merely the empty attitude that I myself used to have about it.) It's another thing entirely to come into CONTACT with the LIVING God Himself, through His Spirit, to converse back and forth with Him, to feel Him move through you, and to have all of it confirmed by signs and wonders that others might think are random acts of nature, but which you know yourself are NOT.
That's when repentence BECOMES emotion and there simply ARE NO WORDS to define the experience. Ramone, it's kinda that "strange posture on the floor you find yourself in" that you made mention of way back when I first met you. I had no idea what in the world you were talking about back then, until it happened to me.
That's NOT to say it's like that all the time for all Christians, as if it's some kind of test of one's Christianity! Um, actually, it's just kind of a side-bar in the journal that IS my life these days - kind of a comforting warning to those who will happen experience this in the future. Don't be afraid - GOD is with you.
Oh, and I will say this: for me, repentance was a LONG process of coming face to face with my own imperfect humanity, bawling my head off as I nearly BECAME the condemnation (it was that strong, being hurled at me by satan), and barely even being calmable by the knowledge that it's not my place to be that condemnation because Jesus did that for me. For me, it was a marriage of intellect and emotions that took me down a long path of recovery (not to it, of it), and I couldn't have done it alone. That's what Christian community really OUGHT to be there for, in my opinion. Those who've already found healing in God being the ones who continually allow the lost to lean on their shoulders as they both travel together to the Cross and to Heaven.
Anyway, so only for reasons of personal experience, I have to say that I do believe that emotions ARE at play in the process of repentance. One's intellect can be used to get the ball rolling (certainly, you can't be sorry for something if you don't believe what you've done was wrong), but the deeper, more genunine repentance is more than just balancing out one's sins against Jesus' blood. For me, it still happens. I've learned that while one can be aware at first that what they did was wrong, it's only through time and healing that they are Allowed by God to see the deeper impact of the consequences on their own life and the lives of others of what they did. That's when the heart truly changes and one no longer at all DESIRES to have anything to do with whatever sin it was that caused all that havoc in the first place. Though there may be addictions involved, the fact is that their heart has been pricked from that point on. If a person is in that community of Healers (as described above), then their heart can be directed to Jesus for healing regarding that addiction, to learn to Trust Him to work in them to deal with that addiction, and to finally remove it. At the same time, there is a heart-healing process that DOES take place, when a person is truly set free from all of the condemnation they first felt at one time.
At least that's more or less what I personally experienced. I do believe it's different for everyone. I will say this: I spent my whole life being any anylitical intellectual. As I've been set Free to pursue the Relationship that God offers me daily as He Pursues me, I've learned one thing for sure: I laugh with more sincerity, and I've kinda become a cry-baby too. I actually FEEL things in my heart now that ought to be there, such as true Joy or true Repentant Sorrow (or just true Saddness, the case depending), where before there was only empty pain or just plain hollowness altogether.
And here's more brain-candy: It was that empty pain at times, and pure hollowness at other times, that cause me to do stupid, sinful things in the first place (i.e., it was the catylist, or the straw that broke the camel's back). I did anything I could to ease that pain, to fill the voide. Only God has been able to heal the trouble in my heart, to Guide it to His Heart, and to ALLOW me to FEEL everything that He Created me to feel, as He wants me to feel it. Only HE can Direct my emotions and help me learn how to appropriately act upon them (or not act, as the case may be).
Special note to Erik: yes, I get the deeper meaning of that, and yes, God is working with me on it. Thanks as always brother, for praying for me regarding that issue.
(This post is reflected on the original site so I can save Ramone's and my comments, which can only poorly be copied to this entry.)
Well, it's been awhile since I posted that, and I have to say that I've been even longer on the journey since then. I understand MUCH more fully now what it means to have that "faith" changed into, well, REALITY. It's one thing to believe there is a God who said this and did that and golly-gee, I'd better repent... (I'm not belittling repentance here, merely the empty attitude that I myself used to have about it.) It's another thing entirely to come into CONTACT with the LIVING God Himself, through His Spirit, to converse back and forth with Him, to feel Him move through you, and to have all of it confirmed by signs and wonders that others might think are random acts of nature, but which you know yourself are NOT.
That's when repentence BECOMES emotion and there simply ARE NO WORDS to define the experience. Ramone, it's kinda that "strange posture on the floor you find yourself in" that you made mention of way back when I first met you. I had no idea what in the world you were talking about back then, until it happened to me.
That's NOT to say it's like that all the time for all Christians, as if it's some kind of test of one's Christianity! Um, actually, it's just kind of a side-bar in the journal that IS my life these days - kind of a comforting warning to those who will happen experience this in the future. Don't be afraid - GOD is with you.
Oh, and I will say this: for me, repentance was a LONG process of coming face to face with my own imperfect humanity, bawling my head off as I nearly BECAME the condemnation (it was that strong, being hurled at me by satan), and barely even being calmable by the knowledge that it's not my place to be that condemnation because Jesus did that for me. For me, it was a marriage of intellect and emotions that took me down a long path of recovery (not to it, of it), and I couldn't have done it alone. That's what Christian community really OUGHT to be there for, in my opinion. Those who've already found healing in God being the ones who continually allow the lost to lean on their shoulders as they both travel together to the Cross and to Heaven.
Anyway, so only for reasons of personal experience, I have to say that I do believe that emotions ARE at play in the process of repentance. One's intellect can be used to get the ball rolling (certainly, you can't be sorry for something if you don't believe what you've done was wrong), but the deeper, more genunine repentance is more than just balancing out one's sins against Jesus' blood. For me, it still happens. I've learned that while one can be aware at first that what they did was wrong, it's only through time and healing that they are Allowed by God to see the deeper impact of the consequences on their own life and the lives of others of what they did. That's when the heart truly changes and one no longer at all DESIRES to have anything to do with whatever sin it was that caused all that havoc in the first place. Though there may be addictions involved, the fact is that their heart has been pricked from that point on. If a person is in that community of Healers (as described above), then their heart can be directed to Jesus for healing regarding that addiction, to learn to Trust Him to work in them to deal with that addiction, and to finally remove it. At the same time, there is a heart-healing process that DOES take place, when a person is truly set free from all of the condemnation they first felt at one time.
At least that's more or less what I personally experienced. I do believe it's different for everyone. I will say this: I spent my whole life being any anylitical intellectual. As I've been set Free to pursue the Relationship that God offers me daily as He Pursues me, I've learned one thing for sure: I laugh with more sincerity, and I've kinda become a cry-baby too. I actually FEEL things in my heart now that ought to be there, such as true Joy or true Repentant Sorrow (or just true Saddness, the case depending), where before there was only empty pain or just plain hollowness altogether.
And here's more brain-candy: It was that empty pain at times, and pure hollowness at other times, that cause me to do stupid, sinful things in the first place (i.e., it was the catylist, or the straw that broke the camel's back). I did anything I could to ease that pain, to fill the voide. Only God has been able to heal the trouble in my heart, to Guide it to His Heart, and to ALLOW me to FEEL everything that He Created me to feel, as He wants me to feel it. Only HE can Direct my emotions and help me learn how to appropriately act upon them (or not act, as the case may be).
Special note to Erik: yes, I get the deeper meaning of that, and yes, God is working with me on it. Thanks as always brother, for praying for me regarding that issue.
(This post is reflected on the original site so I can save Ramone's and my comments, which can only poorly be copied to this entry.)
posted by Caroline Talita Ishshah | 2:46 PM
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