HaKodesh Brit-Milah
Today is almost like a new birthday for me - yet it comes AFTER I was reborn! I was Baptized on March 25, 2006. Then, on June 18th, God took my heart off the market. It's no longer available to men. Period. They can't have it, because I gave it to Him - He has it. He's the one who can make me fall in Love with Him. Other men can't make me fall in love with them. It's humanly impossible for them to do that to me. They don't control my heart like that.
Today was something new, but a take-off of that. I remember reading in either Boy Meets Girl, or in When God Writes Your Love Story, a story about a woman who shared her whole life's experiences with a male friend in about 3 days (wow, she must have had a dull life!), and by the end of those 3 days, they were going out with each other, making out a lot, etc. He used her then left her. Her heart was broken because she felt that he'd used it to get into her undies. I also remember thinking, "That's kind of stupid, that she feels that way. Who cares what they guy KNEW about her? How can that equate to her giving him permission to mess around with her body? Sheese - can't friends share their lives together without sleeping together? I've shared what I can of my life with female friends - I don't sleep with THEM! If I want to share my life's experiences, dreams, etc., either with a guy who's just my friend, or with a guy I'm going with and am likely to marry, then who cares? It can't hurt anything. It's just a friendship either way - I've already taken my body off the market." After June 18, I thought "Well, it still doesn't matter - those ARE just life experiences. Surely I can still share what I go through in this life with my friends! What in tarnation is wrong with that?" Yet I did kinda start wondering "Is this really all that safe?" I more or less ignored that question until the last few days after a heart-wrenching experience that I went through. I realize now that God was TRYING to tell me something.
Today I learned the value of keeping my life, shared from my heart, to myself, and instead just sharing God's heart with others. That's no small task, as some of you recently learned as you watched one of my blog entries morph under Jesus' Direction from an angry tyrade against church denominations who've tried to screw wtih my mind and heart in the past, to a personal exposition of what I don't believe regardless of which church teaches what. I'm glad that, though I exposed my life from my heart to you, you didn't take jabs at it. Thank you. Anyway, God just took my life itself completly off the market. It's no longer "out there" for people to take pot-shots at. I used to think that if people were really your friends, they'd accept you the way you are. Up to a point, that's true. But a real friend in God is someone who will point your life, your heart, your dreams, etc., to God and prove to you that those things AREN'T for them (once you yourself have been through whatever Healing processes you may have needed to go through first).
I came into my room this afternoon and said "Ok, God, it's just you and me right now. Where do You want to start?" I had a desire to open my Bible and find something good to read from God about His Love for me. LOL - it came in the form of the Febuary 2006 Newsletter from Jewish Jewels (Messianic-Jewish TV Show) that was neatly folded in between Ezekial and Daneil! I guess I had left it there after reading through it last February. It was, of course, all about the heart. They do a much better job of explaining this from the Hebraic culture than anyone else, and I am inviting you to read at least the first page of it, the page that spoke so directly to my heart which has had so many questions of late.
My heart is urging me toward the answers that are for me and God alone, which some of you have already been Given. Yet I have wanted to share this Journey with you, my friends! I do believe that a "snapshot" here and there of what's going on with me and God isn't out of place, or periodically what's going on in my life in general (for instance, I'm sure I'll let you all know when my hubby has stepped into my life, *winks*). But I do believe that I need to be a lot more careful about what I say to you all about my life than I have been in the past. It's not about censorship, or even fear of how you would think of me! It's out of respect for the fact that I need to learn to turn those things more specifically over to God to deal with directly Himself. It's out of not subjecting my heart, my life, myself, to the whims of every internet travelor who passes by. Even you, my friends, are still human. It's still possible for one of you to really hurt me, if I subject myself like that to you.
Rather than sharing my life from my heart with you all so regularly, I'd rather share God's Heart for you with you. I'm intending to spend quite a lot of time in this blog catagory, as well as in Livagies! If I have some observation about the battle of the sexes, I'll still blog about that periodically as well. I don't know how much time I'll spend in all the other catagories, though I may still find God telling me to say things in them as well in the future. But really, I want to learn to do all of this from God's Heart, rather than my own. That indeed is quite a challenge for me, so I'll leave it up to Him to Inspire that. From now on, I want to ask Him "God, what are YOU saying here? What's on YOUR Heart of Hearts?"
So, my friends, my old heart bids you fare-thee-well. God's Heart bids you come-to-Me.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Today was something new, but a take-off of that. I remember reading in either Boy Meets Girl, or in When God Writes Your Love Story, a story about a woman who shared her whole life's experiences with a male friend in about 3 days (wow, she must have had a dull life!), and by the end of those 3 days, they were going out with each other, making out a lot, etc. He used her then left her. Her heart was broken because she felt that he'd used it to get into her undies. I also remember thinking, "That's kind of stupid, that she feels that way. Who cares what they guy KNEW about her? How can that equate to her giving him permission to mess around with her body? Sheese - can't friends share their lives together without sleeping together? I've shared what I can of my life with female friends - I don't sleep with THEM! If I want to share my life's experiences, dreams, etc., either with a guy who's just my friend, or with a guy I'm going with and am likely to marry, then who cares? It can't hurt anything. It's just a friendship either way - I've already taken my body off the market." After June 18, I thought "Well, it still doesn't matter - those ARE just life experiences. Surely I can still share what I go through in this life with my friends! What in tarnation is wrong with that?" Yet I did kinda start wondering "Is this really all that safe?" I more or less ignored that question until the last few days after a heart-wrenching experience that I went through. I realize now that God was TRYING to tell me something.
Today I learned the value of keeping my life, shared from my heart, to myself, and instead just sharing God's heart with others. That's no small task, as some of you recently learned as you watched one of my blog entries morph under Jesus' Direction from an angry tyrade against church denominations who've tried to screw wtih my mind and heart in the past, to a personal exposition of what I don't believe regardless of which church teaches what. I'm glad that, though I exposed my life from my heart to you, you didn't take jabs at it. Thank you. Anyway, God just took my life itself completly off the market. It's no longer "out there" for people to take pot-shots at. I used to think that if people were really your friends, they'd accept you the way you are. Up to a point, that's true. But a real friend in God is someone who will point your life, your heart, your dreams, etc., to God and prove to you that those things AREN'T for them (once you yourself have been through whatever Healing processes you may have needed to go through first).
I came into my room this afternoon and said "Ok, God, it's just you and me right now. Where do You want to start?" I had a desire to open my Bible and find something good to read from God about His Love for me. LOL - it came in the form of the Febuary 2006 Newsletter from Jewish Jewels (Messianic-Jewish TV Show) that was neatly folded in between Ezekial and Daneil! I guess I had left it there after reading through it last February. It was, of course, all about the heart. They do a much better job of explaining this from the Hebraic culture than anyone else, and I am inviting you to read at least the first page of it, the page that spoke so directly to my heart which has had so many questions of late.
My heart is urging me toward the answers that are for me and God alone, which some of you have already been Given. Yet I have wanted to share this Journey with you, my friends! I do believe that a "snapshot" here and there of what's going on with me and God isn't out of place, or periodically what's going on in my life in general (for instance, I'm sure I'll let you all know when my hubby has stepped into my life, *winks*). But I do believe that I need to be a lot more careful about what I say to you all about my life than I have been in the past. It's not about censorship, or even fear of how you would think of me! It's out of respect for the fact that I need to learn to turn those things more specifically over to God to deal with directly Himself. It's out of not subjecting my heart, my life, myself, to the whims of every internet travelor who passes by. Even you, my friends, are still human. It's still possible for one of you to really hurt me, if I subject myself like that to you.
Rather than sharing my life from my heart with you all so regularly, I'd rather share God's Heart for you with you. I'm intending to spend quite a lot of time in this blog catagory, as well as in Livagies! If I have some observation about the battle of the sexes, I'll still blog about that periodically as well. I don't know how much time I'll spend in all the other catagories, though I may still find God telling me to say things in them as well in the future. But really, I want to learn to do all of this from God's Heart, rather than my own. That indeed is quite a challenge for me, so I'll leave it up to Him to Inspire that. From now on, I want to ask Him "God, what are YOU saying here? What's on YOUR Heart of Hearts?"
So, my friends, my old heart bids you fare-thee-well. God's Heart bids you come-to-Me.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
posted by Caroline Talita Ishshah | 6:15 PM
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